My Birthday was this week and everyone I talks too seems to think that I should have changed with this one. The big 25. I don’t feel at all changed. Still working too much, still exhausted most days, still disliking the fact that I am not doing more in the world, affecting more.
I want to travel and enjoy life. But I still have a career I am working on and all my bills, how do you fit the things I want in with that?
To travel. To have time to simply read and do the million little things and projects I have scattered around my room. To spend evenings with my family and have time to call and really talk to my sister.
Do I make the decision to drop everything and do what I want now, do it when I retire, or do one goal a year? a month? My boyfriend constantly says he hates my schedule and I have yet to get into Pharmacy School. I never see my family or friends, and when I do I feel like I am slacking off on other things. Even the Pharmacy students at work are commenting that I never seem to leave the hospital. My constant on again off again schedule is playing havoc with my body. I work days during the week only to swap and work nights all weekend, forcing myself to a 3 or 4 hour nap on Monday morning so I am able to function the rest of the day and still sleep later that night so I can work a day shift the next day. Everyone around me seems to schedule a few days off here and there, but when I request a weekend off or a Friday here or there I am denied. Might be because I am technically part time, so on the bottom of the pile.
Hard to be spontaneous when you have to post a request up to 3months in advance, most people request every day they need up to a year in advance. Maybe I can bump up my savings and take one big trip a semester, during the breaks maybe. I think I mainly want a vacation. No alarm clocks or computers. No deadlines or schedules. All the time you want to sleep or just lie with the one you love. No pressure to do or be any where.