I was told at my horseback riding lesson last week that I hesitate. That this was the only thing I need to work on right now. I responded “of course” immediately. This was no news to me. I hesitate and put off so much it is part of my make up, who I am. But looking at it now I see most of my problems in life come from hesitating.
In my last relationship I knew for months that the relationship would never really work out, yet I put off talking about it and acting, put off the break up because it was easier to coast along. I could never seem to bring up the problems I saw so we could talk about it. I was so relieved when he finally brought it up that I forced a decision then, we could be friends or break up but not continue as it was.
I put off making a decision about what I wanted to do in college and wound up being miserable for two years taking Biology courses I disliked but needed for a degree. I let it come to a head and transferred to a technical college where I was happy and made straight A’s, the Dean’s List, the Honor Society, and was nominated for student of the year.
I need to decide to do something and do it, not pass it off for the next day. I need to make myself become more assertive. This is going to be very hard. I will have to override most of my normal habits and instincts. I will have to let myself go and do things, make myself get out, not put off things till the next week or tomorrow.
Goal: get out and meet people, do not be the wallflower being sorry for myself, make myself step up and say “Hi, this is me…you are?”