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Everyone says friends are sacred. You do what is needed for friends and they do the same for you. Your friends are often the ones who see you when you are vulnerable, when you are at your worst. Everyone has stories about their friends. How they were there for them in a time of need. How their true friends stayed by them in hard times.

What do you do however when all you see is the bad side of friendships? When you realize that your friend has been controlling and manipulative? That is not a healthy friendship or relationship. Their are stories of this other kind of friendship also. The “Fair Weather” friends who love and welcome you when you are doing wonderful and have time for them, then abandon you when you are low.

I seem to attract “troubled” friendships. The friends who are always in a “crisis” of some kind and need you to dig them out. The friends who expect you to be their conscience and counsel them through their mistakes (and then blame you for the results). Then are the friends who only want you there when it is convenient to them, you support them through heartaches and problems, then when you have a problem you get tossed aside.

How is it I seem to get all the friends with extreme issues, that use and abuse me until I cut them loose? I have no real friends right now. My last friend, one I used to work with, sent me a ranting email asking why I have “distanced myself from her and why I seem to be blaming her and how I must not need her friendship any more. I do not take being guilt-tripped very well. As anyone reading this blog (all 4 of you lol) my schedule sucks and if that means that work and school must come before going out with my friends, then it does.

I seem to always get the friends that have major insecurities that want me to justify their actions. I am sorry if I am not living up to their expectations but I am me, not some conglomerate of them that pops up when ever they need it. I have been told that I am being selfish in making my priorities this way but how can I put other things over school, work, and family? My family always comes first, with work a close second right now (broke, non-financially secure little me), and school being a close third. I have to have a job and finish my degree. I cannot change that.

Right now I have no close friends. At times this bothers me, because I am human and get lonely, however looking back I have never had many “good” friends. I have people I go to school with or work with. Guess this is another thing I will have to wait for.

So this is me right now. I have a job, bills and money issues, a degree and most of a second one, no friends outside of work acquaintances, my family including a new niece, no house of my own, a car, horseback riding lessons, music, and five years of college to look forward to.