Selfish

Some days I just have bad days. Days where every little things goes wrong and I end up acting like a jerk. Yesterday was one of those days.

After work I shut the blind and settled in to read while CSI played in the background. My e reader battery was dead. Okay, no harm no foul, I will just watch TV, my eyes hurt anyway from being at a computer for 9 hours at work. No tricker treaters came which was a good thing since I had no candy. At around 9 I gave up and started getting ready for bed. I proceeded to lose one of a favorite pair of earrings down the sink. After several minutes of frantic "maybe it bounced" looking I gave up and went to change. Mid change someone starts banging loudly on the door, over and over making my dog bark. At this point the only lights on in the house is my bedroom light. I pull on a bathrobe and go to answer the door since they are still knocking. Yep, teenagers not in costume trying to trick or treat. I unlocked the deadbolt, opened the door a crack to contain the dog and told them I was not trick or treating before shutting the door rather hard since at this point I was rather pissed. I then spent the next thirty minutes calming down my neurotic dog. (the main reason I don’t do Halloween, she does not take kids in costume well.)

Yes, I was mean to children. Yes, I then called my BF to complain about the lost earring (since she gave me the pair and I loved them.) and having to answer the door in only a bathrobe. Yes, I’m a bad friend who called a friend late at night to whine about first world problems.

Halloween used to be fun when I was little, now it’s just high school all over again. Oh, no… I did not get invited to any Halloween parties. No, I don’t get asked to go to lunch with the cool kids at work. Most of the time this does not bother me at all since I have never minded being alone but sometimes it does. Yesterday was a bad day for that. I was lonely for no other reason then because society says you are supposed to be around other people on holidays and I hate that.

I know everyone is wired to be selfish, to look out for themselves and not the others around them. I know this and yet I often feel bad for acting in ways that seem to be selfish to me. Not sure how to cure this.